Forgiveness??

If you were to make a list of the people in your life that you needed to forgive, could you be honest? Would your list have two names? 20? None? How many of those people are family members?

The family dynamics in Colossians 3:18-21 is God’s perfect plan. You can call me old-fashioned, sexist, barefoot and pregnant…I don’t care. It’s what I believe. Our family is supposed to be our first line of defense. Our parents to protect us. Our siblings to build and learn about friendships with, along with conflict resolution (even if that involves these hands! Right Lyss? You were so mean!). But instead we have strife. Jealousy. Bitterness. Anger. A house divided cannot stand (Mark 3:25). And no, I’m not referring to the SEC…at least not today haha!! Go Dawgs!

If there is division, it can destroy the family structure, causing us to “wander” solo. No one by our side to hold us accountable…yes we have friends, but we can talk about that later….that’s how Eve was able to be tempted. She was alone. When a sheep wanders away from the herd and it’s shepherd, it’s more vulnerable to its predators.

The funny thing about this blog post is that I don’t have an answer or resolve to what I just talked about. Which brings me to my next topic.

Today was my first counseling session at Elevate. I had one major issue in my life that was causing me a tremendous amount of stress. That’s what caused me to make an appointment in the first place. I wanted some healthy coping mechanisms for when I felt anxious. God had bigger plans, y’all. I wasn’t ready!! My first session and I’ve already learned that I’m dealing with un-forgiveness. I didn’t even know!!! It was so profound that I’ve decided I’m going to make this journey public. I’m going to blog after each one of my sessions. I will share my revelations, my heartaches, my joy and my victories. My darkest places. I really hope that my transparency will help you to see that you’re not alone. No, I won’t be sharing names if anyone, in case you were wondering! This is for my exposure, no anyone else’s.

I thought I knew how to forgive someone, but today I found out that I don’t. I’m excited to learn and share as I go. My hope is that it will inspire you to seek it out for you and your family too.

xoxo

A Letter

I’v been reading this book today, Don’t Settle for Safe by Sarah Jakes Roberts. Very rarely have I read a book that impacted my life in such a short amount of time. I will go into more details another time, but I wanted to quote one of the last pages.

Side note, I’ve cried multiple times during the course of reading it. God used it and will continue to use it to propel me to what’s next. At first, I was resistant. Growing hurts. Pruning is painful. You have to look at yourself, for who you really are, and face the things you’ve been ignoring and forgive yourself. Ok. Enough with that. This is taken from page 153-154 of her book titled Don’t Settle for Safe….

             You can no longer afford to trust the treasure that is your heart to anyone who says you’re beautiful. Anyone can admire a diamond, but few recognize the quality and care required to keep it beautiful. For too long your insecurities made you so desperate for attention that you handed over your golden heart to people who’ve only handled glitter. This is not their fault; it’s yours. You ignored the signs, hoping they would wake up one day and see your worth. The truth is it’s time for you to wake up. You can no longer go through life unconsciously hurting yourself and asking someone else to heal you. The power for you to overcome is already inside of you. The longer you stay, the more you deny the strength you have to move on. You’re better than the you’ve subscribed to. There is still beauty inside of you. There’s nothing you’ve lost in this process that can’t be restored, but you must determine how you will spend your grace. Don’t give your patience away to people that will abuse it. Don’t give your courage away to people who don’t understand it. Surround yourself with people who can reciprocate what you pour. Let their validation be an overflow that allows you to touch the lives of other broken people. This is bigger than you. This is about redefining love and esteem in a culture determined to make us feel less than. You are the hero you’ve been looking for. So put on your cape, get off your knees, and stop begging for someone to love you. Love yourself. Seek God and all other things will be added to you. 

I really can’t think of an appropriate response to that. It feels like I should mic-drop and walk away. But I can’t. I know you are hurting. I know you feel lost. I know you listened to the bad things people have said about you and allowed it to take root in your heart. Maybe you’re starting to believe those things. But i’m here to tell you. You are not your past. You are not defined by the things you have done. You have the power to change your trajectory. I know because, while failing over and over again, I’m still here. God still reminds me daily of the things I’m called to do. Don’t let your past weigh you down. Also, don’t repeat the negative things you are or have been ashamed of. I’m talking to myself as much as I’m talking to you. I’ll be the first to tell you my flaws. But I have some locked away in my heart that I’ve recently started dealing with, so healing can take place, and I can be a vessel of love.

Buy this book. It will change your life. But don’t ready it until you’re ready to face some things that will be painful. It’s time to be real with ourselves.

XOXO

Jess

The Weekends are Always the Hardest

I have so much I want to say today I’m going to try and share this with you in the best way I know how, which is real, raw and painful.

The holidays are my thing. I love having a house full of people. I’m constantly baking, Christmas music is always playing. It’s a magical time. It’s a reminder of why we’re all here. Jesus. But lately, I’ve been dreading it. All of it. I don’t want to celebrate Thanksgiving. I don’t want to put my Christmas tree up. I hear Christmas music and I cringe. I’ve dealt with these type of feelings when I was a teenager/young adult because I always felt alone. My birthday is on Christmas, and (most) everyone forgets. Wah, wah, right? I know. There are bigger problems in the world. This year is different though. My husband won’t be here for Thanksgiving. He won’t be here for Christmas. He won’t here for Bella’s birthday, my birthday, Elisha’s first Christmas or Paisley’s birthday. Like I’ve said before, I know military mom’s do this all the time. And again, I applaud you for your strength. I look to you for inspiration.

I mentioned in one of my last bog posts the story of Mary Magdalene and how important this story is to me. I’ve always felt a connection to her. Her love was lavish, uncontrollable and it made people uncomfortable. She was an outcast, or as I like to call her, a wierdo. Just like me. She acted ridiculous in front of Jesus and His disciples. She didn’t care at all. Because this is the same Mary that was caught in the act of sex, with someone that wasn’t her husband. The Pharisees dragged her out into the street. I’m certain she felt shame. She was naked and vulnerable and humiliated. I imagine she felt like the lowest person on earth; like she was of no value.

I want to backtrack a little bit on myself. I grew up from the age of 15 without a dad. I didn’t know what it was like to feel the love of a father. So much like Mary, there were times (and still are) that I feel shame. Guilt. Humiliation. Vulnerable. My heart was hardened.

But just like Mary, my first encounter with Jesus, my REAL encounter with Jesus, set me free. He came down to my level. He lifted my chin and looked me in my eyes and told me I was valuable to Him. Ever since then, it’s been a battle in my mind to remind myself that He sees me as cherished and valued.

Mary had a special relationship with Jesus. Her act of love was instigated by her, not the opposite. She had fallen at His feet when He drew the line in the sand. She had fallen at His feet during her display of extravagant worship. She experienced His love, protection and deliverance. He cast  7 demons out of her!

Lazarus was sick. So sick that he died. Jesus took 4 days to get to Lazarus. Martha ran to meet Him, but Mary stayed behind. Remember, Mary loved Jesus on a level that some of us may not ever understand (although I hope to). I believe she was feeling rejected and forgotten. If Jesus had been there, Lazarus wouldn’t have died. When Jesus finally arrived, He comforted Martha but He knew the love that Mary had for Him. He called Mary by name. She didn’t run to the grave to mourn. She ran to the place of her Savior’s feet that had been a source of comfort for her. The same place where she met Him the first time during her moment of humiliation and shame, the same place where she poured out her love on Him.  He stands her up to look into her eyes. She says to Him “Where have you been? You’re late.” I see this as a moment where she was mad at Him for not being there. She couldn’t hide her feelings towards Him. But being the Jesus that we serve, He looks at her with tears in His eyes (Jesus wept) and said “I’m not late. Take me to see my friend Lazarus.” In other words, TAKE ME TO THE SOURCE OF YOUR PAIN. He tells them to roll the stone away and He commands the grave wrappings to loosen and free him. This is significant because Jesus wants to come to Him raw. NO matter how angry we are with Him. He’s saying TAKE ME TO THE SOURCE OF YOUR PAIN and let Me fix it. When we are real with Him, even though He already knows, the bondage that has us bound can fall off at His command and set us free. What the devil meant for harm, Jesus turned it around and made it into something good.

So next time you’re (me) weeping uncontrollably on the bathroom floor, so badly that you’re blinded, cry out to Jesus. Take Him to the source of your pain.

I don’t have all the answers. All these words sound great. But it doesn’t bring my husband home. It doesn’t bring my family back together. But it reminds me that Jesus is FOR ME. HE IS FOR YOU. Not against me. Not against you. He has plans to give us a hope and a future. John 13:7 says “You do not realize what I am doing, but later you understand.” If you’re impatient like me, which I’m sure you’re not, this is so hard for me to grasp. It doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me hurt worse. I know it’s supposed to do the opposite. I’m just being honest with you because I know there is someone out there that is battling something and you feel like God has abandoned you. He hasn’t. Even though it feels like it, He hasn’t. Keep your hope and keep your faith Even if all you can muster up is the faith the size of a mustard seed. He said that’s all we need. My precious Bella told me the difference in hope and faith is that hope is something you think or want to happen but faith is something you know will happen. Out of the mouth of babes!

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Luke 7:47-“Therefore I tell you, her sins have been forgiven-as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little”

Be Blessed,

Jess the Haute Mess

Celebrity Crush?!

What I’m about to say isn’t going to go over well with some of you. But that’s ok. Before we get started, let me be transparent with you (my favorite thing to do…not!!). I am just as guilty of these things as the next person. We all are. At least I think. Something that really bothers me is when I hear a married woman talk about her “celebrity crush”. Remember, I’ve been guilty of this before. But God rang my bell today and you get to benefit from it! Or be mad at me. It’s your choice. Just remember, God corrects those He loves so you should be flattered that He loves you so much!!

I was curious at the actual definition of “attractive” so of course I googled it.

at·trac·tive
əˈtraktiv/Submit
adjective
(of a thing) pleasing or appealing to the senses.
“an attractive home”
(of a person) appealing to look at; sexually alluring.
“an attractive, charismatic man”
synonyms: good-looking, beautiful, pretty, handsome, lovely, stunning, striking, arresting, gorgeous, prepossessing, fetching, captivating, bewitching, beguiling, engaging, charming, enchanting, enticing, appealing, delightful, winning, photogenic, telegenic; More
(of a thing) having beneficial qualities or features that induce someone to accept what is being offered.
“the site is close to the high-rent district, which should make it attractive to developers”
synonyms: appealing, inviting, tempting, irresistible

This bothered me even more!! It made me think, what is the motivation behind our celebrity crushes? As married women, we shouldn’t be looking at anyone BUT our husbands to make us feel these things. We should be looking at them as sexually alluring, handsome and my favorite: arresting. Whoa. Think about someone being arrested. Stopped in your tracks. Holy smokes hot. If we aren’t looking at our husbands that way, we have a heart condition of lust. Yes I said it. Lust. The bible is pretty clear on issues of lust, too. In Matthew 5:27-29 it says

“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29″If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.…”

That’s pretty intense. Yes, it says everyone who looks at a woman, but this applies to women looking at men too. Dare I bring up 50 Shades of Grey? I’ve never read the book. I never will. But I have a general idea of what the book was about. I also know that hundreds of thousands of CHRISTIAN women went to see this movie. Remember Magic Mike? Same thing! This movie was about male strippers. We should be so wrapped up in the love of Christ, that seeing a man nude or semi-nude, makes our hearts break. God gave us marriage as a gift. Something beautiful and sacred. How are we hurting our marriage by watching these movies, reading these books or looking at other men with lust?

I know some of you right now are trying rationalize your feelings. Saying ugly things about me. That’s ok. I know that God has better for us, as women. I’m not condemning you. I’m saying, how much better could our lives be if we turned our hearts away from these things and turned them towards the things of God? Galatians 5:9 says

“A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.”

That means that all it takes is one little teeny-tiny, seemingly innocent thought and then it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and before you know it, you have a really big problem. Think about when you make homemade bread. Wait, does anyone do that anymore?? It starts off small, but after a few hours of the yeast doing it’s thing, you have a ball of dough so big that you have to punch it to make it manageable again.

So how do we stop the lust in our hearts? Use the Word! The bible says in Philippians 4:8

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Simple! Control your thoughts. No, that’s not really so simple, is it? Ok so how about taking our thoughts captive and instead of feeding those thoughts, we start thinking about things that are pure, lovely, admirable and worthy of praise? If we can make that our habit, we can defeat it. Before you know it, you’ll be looking at your former celebrity crush and thinking, “ew. what did I ever see in him?”

Men, this is for you too. I’m not just calling out the ladies here.

I wrote this in love and I hope you receive it in love. We are more than conquerors!

Just some thoughts

If you had told me this time last year, what my upcoming year would look like, I wouldn’t believe you.

Let me backtrack a little bit.

My hubby used to travel for his job. We would move every 6 months or so. We we’re never able to take root anywhere, and I was totally comfortable that way. In fact, I tricked myself into believing I preferred it. If you didn’t grow roots anywhere, you couldn’t connect with anyone and if you didn’t connect with anyone, you couldn’t get hurt. Right?

We started going to our church about a year ago. We knew it was different from the first service we were there. Everyone was so happy and so friendly. It made me a little uncomfortable at first, just to be honest. I couldn’t understand how everyone I encountered that day could be so stinkin’ happy!! I didn’t realize it, but I had become dried up and bitter. There are not many things worse in life than the harsh self-realization that  you suck. I’m sorry, but it’s true!

So back to church. I had developed this mentality that I didn’t need to go to church to be close to God, that I could serve Him from home, blah blah blah. Any excuse I could come up with, I used. And let me say this. Those things are true. But what I learned is that it’s not about that. Yes, you need to be a part of a local church. The bible says so. But is your church life-giving? Going to church isn’t just about serving and honoring God. It’s about family. Friendships. Connections. Those weren’t things I was used to. So these super-happy people that I was encountering every Sunday, were breathing life into me without me even realizing it.

I have the tendency to shut people out. When things go crazy in my life, I hibernate. I think, “No one cares what’s going on in my life because they all have their own issues to deal with.” Or I think, “I can fix this myself.” Again, I was wrong!!

This weekend is the biggest weekend for most churches all year. We have 3 services on Sunday. Needless to say, everyone is busy preparing. Thursday night, I was on my way to worship practice. Yes, this one dried-up and bitter person is now serving, something I said I would never do again. See how love heals? Anyways….Thursday night. I’m pregnant. I had an issue arise on Thursday night that called for medical attention. I told my leader what was going on, and started to leave. I was doing the whole “hibernation” thing. Even though I told her what was going on, I tried to dart out the door before anyone could ask me how I was doing. BUT!!! God was not having it. I got stopped on my way out, “Hey. Are you ok?” So I reluctantly spilled the beans. She immediately took me by the arm, walked me down the stairs and to my car. But wait…there’s more. As I’m putting my foot in the car door, another friend stops me and says “I don’t think you should be driving. Let me drive you.” Now this may not seem like much of a big deal to you, but these are very busy people that took the time to show me they loved me and cared for me. Remember, it’s Easter weekend? I have never felt more loved at that moment, from someone other than my husband and kids, in my entire adult life.

Sometimes we need to chased. Sometimes we need to be linked arm to arm. We can’t do life by ourselves. I’ve tried. Not only is it hard, but it’s not fun. God didn’t create us to be alone. I now have a list of people I can call to pray with me, cry with me and laugh with me. I couldn’t say that a year ago.

God loves us like that. He will leave the 99 to find the 1. Don’t discredit your kind words to someone. You never know when your words will light up someone’s day, causing them in return to draw near to Jesus. Thank you, Pastor Tony and Pastor Sheryll for setting the example for your flock. I feel like I’ve been rehabilitated.

Side note: even as I was writing this, I got a phone call with an invitation to spend time together because they consider us family. I am forever grateful.

Chili. It’s what’s for dinner.

Hey y’all! Its been a long time. But now I’m back. And I have something special for you!

A few years ago, I had a thought. Let me warn you in advance. I can be a pretty deep-thinker. You ready for it??

What if you could have chili with the cornbread baked into it? :::drops microphone, exits stage:::

I know, right? I tried to warn you!

I love eating cornbread with my chili. It brings a little bit of sweetness to the savory chili. But I’m lazy. And I don’t like making a mess. You would think having 3 kids and another on the way, messes wouldn’t bother me. THEY DO. So I became a “problem-solver”. It’s kind of a dramatic title for such a miniscule problem (is it even really a problem?) What can I say. I’m a deep-thinking, problem-solver who has a flair for the dramatic! Wow that was a lot of hyphens. Moving on…….

Out of all the meals I’ve made for people over the years, my chili is one of the most requested and most loved. Now I’m going to share my recipe with you. Reluctantly, I might add. But giving is better than receiving. So take good care of it and use it wisely. By the way, you’re going to be SHOCKED at how easy it is. I’m almost embarassed by it. Ok not really. But it does taste like it’s been simmering all day, when in fact, I just threw it together. There, My secret is out!! I hope you enjoy!

Jessica’s Lazy Chili

2 cans tomato sauce (I use organic)

2 cans dark red kidney beans (again, I use organic)

2 cans chili beans in mild sauce (if you like hot, go for it, you crazy person!)

1 pound grass fed ground beef

1 1/2 Tablespoon chili seasoning (recipe to follow)

1 box Jiffy cornbread mix

Chili Seasoning

3 Tablespoons chili powder

3 teaspoons cumin

3/4 teaspoon garlic powder

1 1/2 teaspoon onion powder

3 teaspoon salt

3/4 teaspoon pepper

Mix all together in a airtight container. I use a mason jar.

For every pound of ground beef, use 1 1/2 Tablespoons of chili seasoning

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*Disclaimer* I tried to make this once with homemade cornbread from scratch. It never made it to the execution stage. My husband said “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. So I didn’t! But if your little sweet heart desires to make it with homemade cornbread, go for it. And let me know how it turns out!

Preheat  your oven to 400 degrees

Brown the ground beef in a dutch oven. This beauty is one my mother-in-law gave me for Christmas several years ago. It gets used more than any other pan in my kitchen. I love it!!

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While this is browning and making your kitchen smell amazing, go ahead and make your cornbread according to the box instructions.

After your beef is mostly brown (don’t worry about getting it all done. It will go into the oven later), add your 2 cans of tomato sauce.

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Now for the chili seasoning. If you ask me, this is the star of the show. But you might think it’s the cornbread. That’s fair.

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Let this simmer for about 5 minutes. There’s no real logic here. I’m just giving you time to complete your next task. Which is an important one. RINSE YOUR KIDNEY BEANS. See all the bubbles? Those end up in your belly, causing you-know-what. Rinsing your beans will cut down on the oligosaccharides (oligo is a prefix meaning “a few” and saccharides is just a fancy name for sugar. Don’t you feel smarter??), which cause the music that escapes your butt. Don’t skip this part. You’re family will love you for it!

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Add them to your beef and tomato sauce mixture. Now add your chili beans. Stir well to incorporate.

This is the part where we get a little crazy. Remember your cornbread that you already mixed? Now you want to spoon it onto the top of your chili. Don’t be scared. Just go for it!

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It should look similar to this when you’re done. Or if you’re the creative type, you can do a heart or something else. No judgement here. You’re in a safe place.

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Now pop this bad boy into the oven for 35 minutes and walk away. Feel free to marvel at your amazingness for making such a delicious meal that everyone will be wowed by. :::Miss America wave:::

After 35 minutes is up, take it out of the oven and insert a butter knife through the middle. If it comes out clean, it’s done. If not, put it back in the oven for 5 minutes at a time and recheck. The cornbread can be a little sneaky (as you can see here). It looks “done” at the top but it can still be runny underneath. No one likes runny, undone cornbread.

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You’re done! Congratulations! Feel free to top your chili with shredded cheese, sour cream, jalapeños or anything else you like. See! I can be flexible!

I hope this warms you belly and your heart on this cold and rainy day. Cheers!

Is there (sex)Life after kids?

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Let’s just cut to the chase on this on y’all. 

As a mother of 2 toddlers and a 9 year old, I’m tired. Everyday. Life, fall-down-don’t-talk-to-me-dog-tired. And that’s after I’ve had my morning coffee! Which brings me to my next topic. Is there (sex)Life after kids? 

Of course there is. But husbands, listen up. I’m going to drop some knowledge on you that will help you in your romantic efforts to woo your wife. 

I asked several women a series of questions related to romance, sex, motherhood, etc. These were seasoned moms, new moms, moms with 1 child, moms with 100 children…ok not 100. But any amount of children over 3 seems like 100 to me!

When you become a mom, no one tells you that you also become a maid, a chef, a nurse, an engineer, a seamstress, an artist and a hero. But you always feel like a failure. That’s a lot of hats to wear Especially when you factor in being a wife, a sexpot, a Proverbs 31 women. I mean, our rolls as a mama and a wife are challenging. I won’t even go into if you’re a working mom. Bless your hearts! Working moms, I respect and applaud you. 

After reading through the questionnaire, I struggled. There were some things I just couldn’t talk about from my perspective out of respect for my husband. I also realized that I’m not alone and neither are you!! The best thing though? I’m not crazy. I was really worried about that. 🙂

Like the moms I interviewed, I took my pre-baby body for granted. All my life, I was more on the thin side. Except for a few years in my twenties where all I did was eat to soothe my wounded soul. Seriously. (On a side note, be kind to one another. You never know what kind of pain you could be causing your “friends”. But that’s another blog topic.) So I never really had hips at all. Now I have them and am pleased as punch! Some changes were great after baby. Others….Not so much. I’m talking shrinking breasts, stretch marks, extra weight, loose, skin…want me to keep going? Yeah me either. Our bodies are truly sabotaged after babies. Unless you’re a genetic mutant like Gisele or Heidi Klum. Thanks Victoria’s Secret for constantly reminding us of what we will never live up to!

*Don’t be mislead, I wouldn’t change anything. I love my children. They’re innocence, laughter, stubbornness and general awesomeness bless me EVERYDAY. But we mama’s still want time alone.

Another thing about being a mom that no one tells you, is boobs. I don’t care what books, magazines, doctors and websites tell you, THEY CHANGE AFTER PREGNANCY! They go from giant, glorious milk-filled mounds of softness to deflated balloons that were spectacular balloon-animals in their previous life. How is this fair?!

With Valentine’s day approaching, I feel the need to address romance. I’m fairly certain (actually 100% certain) that men and woman have totally different views on romance. Duh. Chocolate? Flowers? Psh. Please. What woman want is to go to the bathroom alone. We want you to draw us a hot bubble bath and, at whatever the cost, keep the kids from pounding on the bathroom door! That’s romantic!! Buy us books!! Chicks love books. Guys, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The more time you make for your wife to get  break/downtime/be alone, the more she will make an effort to BE ALONE WITH YOU. There. You’re welcome!

No amount of affirmation you give us will ever make us more confident. We’ll never believe you when you tell us we’re the hottest/sexiest/whateverest woman you’ve ever seen. Want to make us feel that way? Turn your heads when we’re walking by Victoria’s secret in the mall. Don’t watch the VS fashion show on tv. Turn the channel when hot girls are in the commercials or the cheerleaders from your favorite team are on the screen. When we try to turn the lights off before “bed”, ask to keep them on a little longer. Tell us how beautiful we are, stretch marks and all. And ladies, don’t tell him to shut up, say “yeah right” or anything else we say when our men try to compliment us. JUST SAY THANK YOU. It’s these words and actions that will reinstate our confidence as a wife, mother and woman. And for you feminists out there, I know our confidence shouldn’t come from our man. But he does have a powerful influence on the way we carry ourselves. 

I hope this helps. I know it has helped me. Guys, be patient with us. We’ll come around. I promise!

In the words of David Bowie

I know I’m way behind on my blogging. But I have a good reason! I took a little trip to Missouri to spend time with my hubby. I miss him so much!! I haven’t so much as even thought about blogging. 

Don’t take the little things for granted. Like snuggling on the couch at night with your love at night. I think Brad Paisley said it best when he sang “Little Moments”. 

So your probably wondering why the title of this post is “In the words of David Bowie”. Well I’ll tell you!!

“Pressure, pushing down on mePressure down on you, no man asks for, Under Pressure that burns a building down, splits a family in two, Puts people in the streets”

What in the world does this have to do with anything? Well I’ll tell you!!

I’m under a lot of pressure right now. Things I can’t even talk about yet. But don’t worry, when the time is right, I’ll share. Y’all know I’m more transparent than that!! That’s another reason I haven’t been blogging. Because of all the pressure I’m under, I have writer’s block. I’m fortunate to have formed these sentences!! 

Let me squash the rumor mill, first and foremost. My marriage is wonderful. My children are healthy and wonderful. Everything is wonderful, just some things going on that are NOT COOL!!! 

So anyway. I’m asking you to pray for me. God knows my needs. If you read this, and you pray, please throw my name in there when you’re talking to God. Actually, if you could throw my name around a few times this week, I would be soooo appreciative. 

God bless y’all!!

Is your husband better off on the roof?

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately. A lot, ok? What I’m about to talk about is a direct reference to myself. However, I don’t think that this will be in vain because I know that I’m not alone here. Hopefully you will be mature enough, ladies, to receive this.

Crabby. Argumentative. Thin-skinned. Bad-tempered. Huffy. Snappy. What do these words have in common? They’re all synonyms for the word “quarrelsome”.

Did you know that in Proverbs, it mentions a “quarrelsome wife” four times?! Four!! And not even in the same chapter. I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s kind of a big deal. (I said that in my Ron Burgundy voice, by the way. If you don’t know who that is, stop what you’re doing and go watch Anchorman. Wait, finish reading this first and then go watch it.)

Sorry. Back to the topic at hand. Go read these scriptures yourself.

Proverbs 19:13, 21:9, 25:24, 27:15

It even goes as far as to say your husband is better off living on the corner of the ROOF than putting up with and listening to our crap!!

Are you a quarrelsome wife?

I know I was. Not in a way that I liked to fight, per se, but I certainly wasn’t happy a lot. Which is totally out of character for me. I’ll save that for some other time.

Men and women are totally different. But you already know that. I’m going to give you a personal example of how different me and my husband are. I’m a very energetic, like-to-get-it-done-now person. My hubby, on the other hand, not so much. He likes to take his time. We are equal in that we like to get things done, but toooooootally different on how we approach things. For instance:

I walk into the kitchen and see that the trash needs to go out. But I don’t say anything to him, because I assume he will see it and take it out. Now, I could ask him and he would do it immediately, but I don’t ask him because I don’t want to be a “nag”. You feel me? So instead of asking him to do it, I walk around ticked that he hasn’t done it. I just want him to want to take the trash out, ya know?! But realistically, who wants to take the dang trash out? Freaks. That’s who.  I know what you’re thinking. I’m the freak for not asking, for getting ,mad because he’s not a mind-reader. Yes! Did you know that neither men nor women were mind-readers? Sheesh!! Marriage is like one big freak show.

One of the things I love the most about my husband is his huge…heart. His heart, y’all. Get your mind out of the gutter!!! And what comes with his huge heart, is how much he enjoys making me happy. I’m really blessed y’all. Let me give you an example.

Used to, I would take a shower, get myself ready, get the kids ready. You know how those things go. A nightmare, usually. I would get out of the shower and see that my huge-hearted husband would be sitting in the chair and the kids would still be in their jammies. I would go so frustrated because I felt like he should read my mind and get the kids ready. Or at least see them and think, “hey! they need to be dressed!” Well, I finally got tired of his inability to read my mind and just told him much it would help me and how much easier it would make our mornings if he could have them dressed by the time I got out. Well, guess what happened? He did it, happily. In turn I was happy, he was happy, everyone was happy!!! Ok, I’ll stop. But seriously. That was all it took. Now I can bank on it, every time I’m in the shower, he’s getting the kids dressed. Harmony. Communication is a beautiful thing. You should try it with your spouse tonight!! Right now!! I promise the end result will be better than your hubby living on the roof. Don’t put him through that!

So what does this have to do with being quarrelsome? Well, are you silently resenting your husband (or wife) for the things they’re not doing? Is your husband happy to come home to you after work? Or does he dread it? I’m not saying life is always peachy and we should walk around with a perma-grin. But try it. Go ahead! Take a selfie with your perma-grin and post it on Instagram. I wanna see it. @jnicholson08. Tag me.

God showed me many ways that I needed to change the way I treated my husband. It was right when I was trying to fall asleep too. He always gets me then! I joke a lot, but this is a very serious thing. I know that I don’t sound like the modern woman, but I really don’t care. I’m very capable. I just know the order of the family. Which, by the way, is my next blog. really focusing on how wives should submit to their husbands. If you don’t like me now, you certainly won’t like me when you read that one!!

Let’s answer our hubbies in gentleness. It turns away wrath! I’m a work-in-progress. I’m still learning. But the cool thing is that God showed me. He will show you too. And then work on you. Watch your hunnie’s jaw drop. He’ll think you were abducted and replaced with an alien wife. It’s kind of fun, really. Heeheehee. Keeps them on their toes!!

I’ve been sleeping

Ok, so not literally sleeping, but you know when your in that weird stage of sleep when your dreams seem so real that you wake up? That’s the place I’ve been in. Only I was never really asleep.
I’ve been sad. Depressed. Angry. Mad. Unhappy. Downright miserable at times. But then it’s like I woke up. I snapped out of it. God shook me up. He stirred my soul so deeply that I finally saw who I had become. And I didn’t like it.
But God’s grace runs deep y’all. I can wait to share with you the things that lay ahead for my family.
Tonight is just a short post, but there’s lots more to be told. Thank you for stickin’ with me. Your support means everything!!