A Letter

I’v been reading this book today, Don’t Settle for Safe by Sarah Jakes Roberts. Very rarely have I read a book that impacted my life in such a short amount of time. I will go into more details another time, but I wanted to quote one of the last pages.

Side note, I’ve cried multiple times during the course of reading it. God used it and will continue to use it to propel me to what’s next. At first, I was resistant. Growing hurts. Pruning is painful. You have to look at yourself, for who you really are, and face the things you’ve been ignoring and forgive yourself. Ok. Enough with that. This is taken from page 153-154 of her book titled Don’t Settle for Safe….

             You can no longer afford to trust the treasure that is your heart to anyone who says you’re beautiful. Anyone can admire a diamond, but few recognize the quality and care required to keep it beautiful. For too long your insecurities made you so desperate for attention that you handed over your golden heart to people who’ve only handled glitter. This is not their fault; it’s yours. You ignored the signs, hoping they would wake up one day and see your worth. The truth is it’s time for you to wake up. You can no longer go through life unconsciously hurting yourself and asking someone else to heal you. The power for you to overcome is already inside of you. The longer you stay, the more you deny the strength you have to move on. You’re better than the you’ve subscribed to. There is still beauty inside of you. There’s nothing you’ve lost in this process that can’t be restored, but you must determine how you will spend your grace. Don’t give your patience away to people that will abuse it. Don’t give your courage away to people who don’t understand it. Surround yourself with people who can reciprocate what you pour. Let their validation be an overflow that allows you to touch the lives of other broken people. This is bigger than you. This is about redefining love and esteem in a culture determined to make us feel less than. You are the hero you’ve been looking for. So put on your cape, get off your knees, and stop begging for someone to love you. Love yourself. Seek God and all other things will be added to you. 

I really can’t think of an appropriate response to that. It feels like I should mic-drop and walk away. But I can’t. I know you are hurting. I know you feel lost. I know you listened to the bad things people have said about you and allowed it to take root in your heart. Maybe you’re starting to believe those things. But i’m here to tell you. You are not your past. You are not defined by the things you have done. You have the power to change your trajectory. I know because, while failing over and over again, I’m still here. God still reminds me daily of the things I’m called to do. Don’t let your past weigh you down. Also, don’t repeat the negative things you are or have been ashamed of. I’m talking to myself as much as I’m talking to you. I’ll be the first to tell you my flaws. But I have some locked away in my heart that I’ve recently started dealing with, so healing can take place, and I can be a vessel of love.

Buy this book. It will change your life. But don’t ready it until you’re ready to face some things that will be painful. It’s time to be real with ourselves.

XOXO

Jess

When the poop hits the fan

Today was a challenging day. To say the least.

I have 2 toddlers, ages 3 and 1 1/2. Most days, I feel like a zoo keeper. Wrangling monkey’s to be more specific.

Yesterday, I took Bella (8), Isaac (3) and Paisley (1 1/2) to an indoor inflatable playground. I’m not sure who had more fun, me or them. Until…

Isaac has been potty trained for some time now. He knows when he has to go. But I guess he was having too much fun and didn’t want to stop to go potty. He stopped in the middle of what he was doing and just started to go!! By go I mean poop. Now I know you’re probably thinking, “Any good mom would have seen the signs.” Well, shut up and stop judging me. 🙂 

So back to today. We had a playdate with 2 moms with kids the same age as mine, so we’re all equally crazy/tired/insertanyadjectivehere. Aaaaaaand one of them are pregnant with their third!! See what I mean by crazy?

I really look forward to these playdates because it gives us all a chance to unload. It’s like therapy for me! I’m sure the people at Chick-Fil-A hate us…

Anyways, Isaac was playing again and just started to go!! It was awful. 2 days in a row? No one told me being a mom was like this!! Fortunately for me, my girlfriends are pretty amazing. Not only at being friends, but being moms. Remember what I said about therapy? We get to talking about this amazing (sarcasm) incident and guess what? I’m not alone!!!! I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. 

I know this post is a little different from my other ones, but I just wanted you to know this. You are not alone. You are not crazy. It’s extremely difficult raising little people; trying to mold them and teach them not to be jerks/bullies/lazy/insertadjectivehere. So laugh more. Play more. Tell them jokes. Be silly. Leave the dishes on the table for a little while longer. The laundry can wait 10 more minutes. ImageLife is too short. You’ll probably poop your pants as you get older and (hopefully) you kids will be right there to clean you up.